This Week In The News

This week, Sen. John McCain denounced any government aid to the mortgage industry or homeowners in the wake of the credit crisis. Speaking on the campaign trail, McCain said, "it is not the duty of government to bail out and reward those who act irresponsibly, whether they are big banks or small borrowers.” McCain later danced around environmental issues, stating only that any possible cures for global warming should not hurt the US economy. Asked about his rather unimaginative policies, one McCain aide noted, "John has admitted that economics and the environment are not his strong points. So instead of trying to cook up some actual policy, we thought we would just repeat the same bromides the party has always used. Our motto is, 'if its broke, use it and hope no one notices'"

This week, Sen McCain also attempted to blunt criticisms that his entire biography and political career have been linked to war and that the spectre of war pervades all his political thinking. McCain, responded, "My friends that is just not true. I have always had broad political interests. Whether it is ferreting out corruption in defense contracts, working on veterans affairs, sitting on the Armed Services Committee, or attacking other people's militray careers. It is not all war to me. Sometimes I think, what would a war do to stimulate the economy? Would environmentalists finally shut up if I sent them off to war? Will all those skeletal trophy blondes I like join the USO during a war? Would people think my fat head looks more Churchillian in wartime?"

This week, TWN decided to examine how a period of war, recession, and political shenanigans has effected the much vaunted suburban voter. We traveled to the suburbs of somewhere and visited the annual convention of Suburban Professionals Insular Together (SPIT). While SPIT conventions are usually laid back affairs with a country club casual dress code, this year's gathering was abuzz with hot topics as SPITers felt themselves under siege as never before. The weekend's agenda cast some light on their anxieties.The keynote speaker, R.E Fynance from the American Mortgage Association spoke to a rapt audience on "And You Just Ordered the Jacuzzi Tub: The Credit Bust and Your McManision." Breakout sessions included talks such as "Reverend Jeremiah Wright: Is Anything Scarier than An Angry Black Man?" "The Earth Liberation Front: Is Anything Scarier than People Who Burn Down Luxury Homes?" " Keeping it (Un)Real -- Raising a Child in the Suburbs, " and "I Gave at the Office... Not: Strategies for Keeping Your Money for Yourself." SPITers even stood in line to attend, "It's Not Because He is Black: Plausible Reasons to Vote for the GOP." SPITs gathering was sponsored by various corporate entities including the makers of granite countertops, importers of foreign luxury autos, women's retailer Ann Taylor, and a host of semi prestigious New England colleges.