This Week In The News

This week, House Republicans were busy trying to scuttle a report authored by the House's Joint Economic Committee which indicates that the cost of the Iraq War exceeds $1 trillion, or double the amount the Bush Administration has actually asked Congress for, and four times the amount the Administration originally predicted. According to the report, the war in Iraq has cost each American taxpayer about $20,000 thus far. The White House immediately characterized the report as "partisan" and "flawed." Asked for further elaboration, White House flak Dana Perino stated, "This is just more Defeatocrat nonsense. If we applied a cost benefit analysis to war, the US would have pulled out of Vietnam in about 1965. Aren't you glad that did not happen?"

This week, GOP presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani pulled ahead of Mitt Romney in Michigan polls. While Romney was expected to win his home state, many credit Rudy's laser like focus on 9-11 for his recent success. Commenting on the phenomena, a Giuliani spokesperson stated, "I give all the credit to the Mayor for the way he handles the 9-11 issue. A lot of people would shy away from turning a national tragedy in which many bravely lost their lives into their own personal comic book with themselves as the hero. But not Rudy. He wears it like a sandwich board. Let me tell you, one ounce of humility and Romney is kicking our ass."

This week, the Economic Policy Institute issued a report concluding that the workers most vulnerable to off shoring are those who hold four year degrees and that, according to BusinessWeek real wages for the young and college educated have declined 8% over the past three years. This analysis undercuts the popular bromide that more education is a solution to everyone's economic woes. Contacted for comment, Department of Labor Spokeswoman Elaine Cho noted, "Not good news. We always liked to say that if you were not successful, you were just lazy and stupid. Now we might have to look at the economy as a collective problem. Not really our specialty. We are more a 'every man for himself' type of party."

This week, the Catholic Church announced it was publishing a voting guide for Catholic voters. While the guide pays lip service to issues like poverty and war, it states that abortion is the preeminent defining political issue of our time. Asked why the Church puts so much emphasis on theoretical human life as opposed to actual human life, Archbishop P.D Restus commented, "We decided to get back to basics and put our focus on the single issue Jesus focused on in the gospels. A lot people think he talked about war or violence or the importance of compassion. Heck no. Read 'em. They are really all about abortion. Look at some one of the most famous quotes, 'Blessed be the aborted for they shall always be among us;' 'It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a woman who has an abortion;' 'Let he who is without abortion cast the first stone.;' Abort unto others as they have aborted unto you." Plain as the nose on your face...."

This week, Howard "Cookie" Krongard, The State Department's Inspector General, testified in front of the House Foreign Affairs Committee regarding the reasons he was blocking a Department of Justice probe into the mercenary firm, Blackwater. Confronted with documentary evidence that his brother Alvin "Buzzy" Krongard (the former number three man at the CIA) sat on the board of Blackwater, Cookie repeatedly denied any such relationship existed. Only after calling his brother (who was at a Blackwater board meeting) during a break in the proceedings did Cookie `admit that Buzzy was in fact affilliated with Blackwater. Cookie than recused himself from overseeing the probe. Just another run of the mill story about corruption, but at least we got to use the words "Cookie" and "Buzzy." Who knew our government was so much like the Sopranos.