This Week In The News
This week the Justice Department opened an investigation into a $52 million contract the government awarded former Attorney General John Ashcroft. According to the Newark Star Ledger, the contract is for 18 months of monitoring a New Jersey pharmaceutical company that had settled a case with government. (The case dealt with kickbacks paid to doctors to recommend the company's products). The contract was not subject to competitive bidding and it appears no other firm or lawyers were considered. Asked if he was concerned about the appearance of favoritism and cronyism, US Attorney Chris Christie stated, "Not really. a) We did nothing technically wrong, b) Even if we did something wrong, the other side does it to c) John Ashcroft is a born again Christian and therefore immune from prosecution or d) this happened two months ago, It is ancient history."
This week, Lt. Col Steven Jordan was cleared of all charges related to his role in the abuse of prisoners at Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq. Stevens was the only officer to be indicted in the scandal and his indictment sent sighs of relief through the pentagon. Army spokesperson Sal Mineo stated ebulliently, "This whole thing was the result of a group of bad apples who came up with sophisticated and humiliating interrogation tactics on their own with out any input or oversight from their superior officers. Combine this with news that less people are dead this month than last and we are off the hook. No more Defcon Four ... Return to State of Uncritical Moral Depravity."
This week, Former British Prime Minister Tony Blair announced that he had converted to Catholicism. Blair, whose wife is Catholic, stated that he did not convert while in office for fear the British public would think he was a "Holy Joe" or "Crackers." Asked what initiated his conversion, Blair stated, "I think it was working with your President Bush on Iraq. You see, Bush is quite faith based you know. And I was impressed at how easily he just invaded a country and lowered a death sentences on hundreds of thousands of people without any evidence. Then I realized, that's the trick see? When you have the faith, you don't need the truth because you feel like you have already got it. If you talk to god, and he doesn't box your ears right there, you are spot on. As time went on, people started to get quite brassed off with me as the body count grew. I started to doubt myself, but not Bush. Said he prayed on it and he remains confident in his choice. A mess all over the Middle East and he sleeps like a baby. I mean... you can't beat that can you? Its like never having to say your're sorry, never having to really think about anything you have done. As long as you say a little prayer, and don't get struck by lightening ... you are good to go. Well top marks I say."
This week the New Republic uncovered a number of articles that appeared in various newsletters published by GOP presidential hopeful, Ron Paul. The articles, which contain no by lines, are chock full of paranoid fantasy, anti semitism, racism, predictions of the coming race war and praise for the militia movement and Klansmen David Duke. Notably, the newsletters (with titles like Ron Paul's Liberty Report) were found in the archives of libraries in Texas and Wisconsin and were not provided by the Paul campaign. Asked if his past as a racist wing nut may effect the avuncular image he projects on the trail, Paul was confident, "I doubt it. Look, everyone has had a favorite uncle that they found out was a member of the Silver Shirts or the Klan or the Birch Society. We just dismiss it as an affectionate pecadillo, 'Oohh there goes uncle Jess on the Jewish bankers, must be Christmas.... or 'Nothing says Easter dinner like Aunt May railing on the mud people.' We think of racism like picking your nose or buttoning your shirt wrong. Its not really bad... just uncomfortable."
This week, Lt. Col Steven Jordan was cleared of all charges related to his role in the abuse of prisoners at Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq. Stevens was the only officer to be indicted in the scandal and his indictment sent sighs of relief through the pentagon. Army spokesperson Sal Mineo stated ebulliently, "This whole thing was the result of a group of bad apples who came up with sophisticated and humiliating interrogation tactics on their own with out any input or oversight from their superior officers. Combine this with news that less people are dead this month than last and we are off the hook. No more Defcon Four ... Return to State of Uncritical Moral Depravity."
This week, Former British Prime Minister Tony Blair announced that he had converted to Catholicism. Blair, whose wife is Catholic, stated that he did not convert while in office for fear the British public would think he was a "Holy Joe" or "Crackers." Asked what initiated his conversion, Blair stated, "I think it was working with your President Bush on Iraq. You see, Bush is quite faith based you know. And I was impressed at how easily he just invaded a country and lowered a death sentences on hundreds of thousands of people without any evidence. Then I realized, that's the trick see? When you have the faith, you don't need the truth because you feel like you have already got it. If you talk to god, and he doesn't box your ears right there, you are spot on. As time went on, people started to get quite brassed off with me as the body count grew. I started to doubt myself, but not Bush. Said he prayed on it and he remains confident in his choice. A mess all over the Middle East and he sleeps like a baby. I mean... you can't beat that can you? Its like never having to say your're sorry, never having to really think about anything you have done. As long as you say a little prayer, and don't get struck by lightening ... you are good to go. Well top marks I say."
This week the New Republic uncovered a number of articles that appeared in various newsletters published by GOP presidential hopeful, Ron Paul. The articles, which contain no by lines, are chock full of paranoid fantasy, anti semitism, racism, predictions of the coming race war and praise for the militia movement and Klansmen David Duke. Notably, the newsletters (with titles like Ron Paul's Liberty Report) were found in the archives of libraries in Texas and Wisconsin and were not provided by the Paul campaign. Asked if his past as a racist wing nut may effect the avuncular image he projects on the trail, Paul was confident, "I doubt it. Look, everyone has had a favorite uncle that they found out was a member of the Silver Shirts or the Klan or the Birch Society. We just dismiss it as an affectionate pecadillo, 'Oohh there goes uncle Jess on the Jewish bankers, must be Christmas.... or 'Nothing says Easter dinner like Aunt May railing on the mud people.' We think of racism like picking your nose or buttoning your shirt wrong. Its not really bad... just uncomfortable."
posted by Jack Reed at 2:48 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home