This Week In The News

This week, Rupert Murdoch announced that The Wall Street Journal, which he recently acquired, will begin publishing a magazine chronicling the lifestyles of the wealthy in America. The magazine, to be edited by a former fashion editor, will begin accompanying the paper in September 2008. According to a News Corp. spokesperson, "For generations the Journal has been the bible for those interested in understanding how money may be made. And one way you never lose money -- playing on the self satisfaction and insecurities of our readers. People have a lot of questions. What architecture says 'I am a certified member of the upper middle class.' What fabrics tell people that 'I am rich enough not to work too hard?' Am I too subtle in letting people know how proud I am of myself? Which place settings reflect the fact that I deserve the best? Where can I vacation so that people will instantly overestimate my income? We'll get at all that and more. "

This week, Mike Huckabee continued his quest for the presidency. After taking second in South Carolina, Huckabee placed fourth in Florida. Sympathetic pundits are dismayed that Huckabee -- the most openly religious man in the race -- has not garnered more support among his fellow Christians. Ever curious we hit the campaign trail. According to John Ledbetter in Colombia, SC, "Don't get me wrong, I go for the Christian candidate. But Mike was all about 'being each others keeper' and caring for 'common inheritance.' I kind of like it when we get to get all mad about other people doing stuff we don't like. I mean what good is it if you cannot call other people evil. At least he supports the war though.... that's something " Sharon Lawrence of Tampa, FL also noted, "I go to church every Sunday and I like the fact that Huckabee does not like homosexuals or abortion, and his willingness to continue an endless war is courageous. But really it sounds like some of things he is for might mean higher taxes or benefits for people besides me. I mean...all that little guy populism... where is that in the Bible?"

This week, Republican candidates for President had their last debate before Super Tuesday at the Reagan Library. Frontrunner John McCain and the Suit Known as Romney crossed swords in a battle to see who was the most conservative. At one point, John McCain criticized the Suit for allegedly supporting a date for withdrawal in Iraq. The Suit bravely fought back at one point saying that he would rather stick a pen in his eye than withdraw from Iraq. McCain responded that he would rather return to the Hanoi Hilton than withdraw from Iraq. Romney countered that he loves the occupation so much that he and his wife sometimes play a game called "a Randy Sunni Terrorist at a US Checkpoint.' Debate moderators sat in awe as the candidates sparred over how many illegal immigrant homosexuals they could deport in a day and how small they could shrink the government. On this issue McCain boasted of a government: "So small we could not get you duct tape in a hurricane." Romney countered with a government:"So small that the Securities and Exchange Commision will be two guys with a Fidelity account and a subscription to Barrons."