Line Up the Privates....

This week, US officials are concluding their investigation into whether US Marines murdered twenty four Iraqi civilians in Haditha last November and then filed false reports to cover up the massacre. Many media outlets are speculating that this scandal may harm the US military more than revelations regarding prisoner abuse at Abu Ghraib prison. While the White House would not publicly address its plan to deal with the incident, a secret Oval Office memo leaked to TWN reveals the White House's strategy. The handwritten memo's salient points are reprinted below:

• Press Conference -- bad apples, rotten tomatoes, not the America we know yada yada
  
• Cheney -- Swift Boat Murtha. Not a patriot? "Some people think Marines should not defend themselves...?"
  
• Subliminal --- Iraqi's are far away and very different. probably not nice people. liberal media picks on us
  
• not accountable for what military does (talk to Rummy on this) check Abu Ghraib script.
  
• Joint Chiefs -- remind them that media will jump on us when children are killed. Find privates to court martial.
  
• Blair -- chill out cockney boy. stuff happens. eggs omlettes etc.... call Condi. Tell her to untwist Brit knickers.
  
• UN -- Marys too concerned with people other than us.... Call Bolten. Threaten to hold up more dues.
  
• Snow -- colon cancer a lot like family being shot up in front of you ... waterworks?!
  
• Laura -- Matronly and genial. But killer herself. blowback possible. keep her out of loop.