There Are No Stoners in Middle Management

This week, researchers at the University of California released a long term study of over 2000 marijuana smokers. The study concluded that even those who smoked multiple joints a day did not suffer an increased risk for lung cancer and, in fact, were statistically less likely to develop lung cancer than the general population. The study debunks claims that smoking marijuana was more harmful to the lungs than normal cigarettes. Fearful that their crusade may suffer a set back, The Office of Drug Policy quickly turned resourceful and launched an agency wide competition called, NBL, or The Next Big Lie. "We started with the argument that pot was a gateway to harder drugs. Turned out we were wrong," explained Director Thomas Chong, "then we said pot will fry your brain. Again. Not so true. Lastly we said, hey it will give you cancer. Ok. Maybe not that much. So we need something fresh. Look for us to try to link marijuana to terrorism in some way, or hammer home some stoner kids stereotypes. Terrorism is the key that opens all doors and the fear that your children will not reach the upper middle class is very au courant."