This Week in the News
This week, the Senate Judiciary Committee decided to issue subpoenas to various White House figures in connection with the sacking of same eight US Attorneys. The President vowed to fight any such subpoenas but offered to make personnel available for interviews on a bipartisan basis. These of course would be the types of interviews that are not public, have no oaths and no written transcripts and in which no one could actually be compelled to answer a question. Defending the White House' offer, Flakman Tony Snow noted, "You guys said the same thing when the President said he would not testify about Iraq intelligence without the presence of V.P. Cheney. You don't get the fact that this is not a star centered operation. We are more of an ensemble cast. Our lies tend to evolve through several people and we work better live, without any record of what we actual said or did. If there is one thing we learned from the Scooter Show, its that you don't want to be giving a taped monologue."
This week, the fires of the Attorney General Scandal (it gets capital letters once there are subpoenas) were fanned by the statements of Former Assistant Attorney General Sharon Eubanks. Eubanks was part of the team prosecuting the tobacco industry on behalf of the government in 2005. Eubanks, now retired, has stated that the Department of Justice radically scaled back the prosecution of the case including telling prosecution witnesses to change their testimony to favor the industry, scaling back the penalties sought and ordering Eubanks to read verbatim a closing statement prepared for her by the Attorney General's Office. Denying that the DOJ's actions had anything to do with the political muscle of Big Tobacco, AG Alberto Gonazalez stated, "No. It was more a paternal thing. Big Tobacco has been defrauding, misleading and being ruthlessly corrupt for so long. Taking them down would be like the student striking the teacher. Like David Carradine sticking his finger in the eye of that old monk on Kung Fu. Ask yourself, would Grasshopper do that? Some propriety must be observed...."
This week, a group of Pro Life South Carolinians announced they were pushing a law that would require any woman seeking an abortion to first view a sonogram of their fetus. The group hopes that the sight of the fetus would deter a woman from her decision and encourage her to commit the rest of her life to motherhood. Added Priscilla O. Varies, President of South Carolininas Against Babyless Sex (SCABS), the sonogram is just the first step. When the patient enters our clinic we will begin calling her "mom," we will give the fetus a name and urge "mom" to count fingers and toes. It is our hope that all the sentimental attachments of motherhood will overwhelm any actual rational thought about whether a woman should actually have a child or not."
This week, presidential hopeful John McCain added to the long list of issues on which he has changed his position when he said he supported President Bush's 2001 tax cuts. McCain had previously criticized those cuts for favoring the wealthy and ballooning the federal deficit. While McCain defended his fluid position to reporters he then entered the "Straight Talk Express" a bus with the supernatural power to make McCain tell the truth at all costs once he enters it. Once inside, a glassy eyed McCain stated that his new position was influenced by "Cash. Loads of cash. Some of it in the form of checks made to my campaign. Some of it shrink wrapped and stuffed in Fed Ex envelopes ready to be sent to different vulnerable districts without any record. Visions of phone banks, direct mail and niche voter ads dance before my eyes like so many sugar plums. And polls. Lots and lots of expensive polls that identify wedge issues. And it could all be mine if I just get the government off the back of the uber wealthy."
This week, US Ambassador to the UN John Bolton told the BBC that the United States deliberately failed to call for a cease fire in last summers battle between Israel and Hizbollah fighter in Lebanon. Bolton said it was "good politics" to let the conflict proceed in the hopes that Israel could win a military victory. (real quote). Bolton stated that the US only backed a cease fire when it became apparent Isreal would not achieve a military victory. Asked whether the over 1,000 Lebanese civilians who were killed in the dust up would agree with his call Bolton demurred, "Listen, I am in a bit of a rush. Can you just make up some little solemn line that makes it sound like I have all the appropriate sadness over a massive loss of human life. My press secretary has some bits you can work with. Regret the loss of life ... defense of ... something important ... you get the gist."
This week, the fires of the Attorney General Scandal (it gets capital letters once there are subpoenas) were fanned by the statements of Former Assistant Attorney General Sharon Eubanks. Eubanks was part of the team prosecuting the tobacco industry on behalf of the government in 2005. Eubanks, now retired, has stated that the Department of Justice radically scaled back the prosecution of the case including telling prosecution witnesses to change their testimony to favor the industry, scaling back the penalties sought and ordering Eubanks to read verbatim a closing statement prepared for her by the Attorney General's Office. Denying that the DOJ's actions had anything to do with the political muscle of Big Tobacco, AG Alberto Gonazalez stated, "No. It was more a paternal thing. Big Tobacco has been defrauding, misleading and being ruthlessly corrupt for so long. Taking them down would be like the student striking the teacher. Like David Carradine sticking his finger in the eye of that old monk on Kung Fu. Ask yourself, would Grasshopper do that? Some propriety must be observed...."
This week, a group of Pro Life South Carolinians announced they were pushing a law that would require any woman seeking an abortion to first view a sonogram of their fetus. The group hopes that the sight of the fetus would deter a woman from her decision and encourage her to commit the rest of her life to motherhood. Added Priscilla O. Varies, President of South Carolininas Against Babyless Sex (SCABS), the sonogram is just the first step. When the patient enters our clinic we will begin calling her "mom," we will give the fetus a name and urge "mom" to count fingers and toes. It is our hope that all the sentimental attachments of motherhood will overwhelm any actual rational thought about whether a woman should actually have a child or not."
This week, presidential hopeful John McCain added to the long list of issues on which he has changed his position when he said he supported President Bush's 2001 tax cuts. McCain had previously criticized those cuts for favoring the wealthy and ballooning the federal deficit. While McCain defended his fluid position to reporters he then entered the "Straight Talk Express" a bus with the supernatural power to make McCain tell the truth at all costs once he enters it. Once inside, a glassy eyed McCain stated that his new position was influenced by "Cash. Loads of cash. Some of it in the form of checks made to my campaign. Some of it shrink wrapped and stuffed in Fed Ex envelopes ready to be sent to different vulnerable districts without any record. Visions of phone banks, direct mail and niche voter ads dance before my eyes like so many sugar plums. And polls. Lots and lots of expensive polls that identify wedge issues. And it could all be mine if I just get the government off the back of the uber wealthy."
This week, US Ambassador to the UN John Bolton told the BBC that the United States deliberately failed to call for a cease fire in last summers battle between Israel and Hizbollah fighter in Lebanon. Bolton said it was "good politics" to let the conflict proceed in the hopes that Israel could win a military victory. (real quote). Bolton stated that the US only backed a cease fire when it became apparent Isreal would not achieve a military victory. Asked whether the over 1,000 Lebanese civilians who were killed in the dust up would agree with his call Bolton demurred, "Listen, I am in a bit of a rush. Can you just make up some little solemn line that makes it sound like I have all the appropriate sadness over a massive loss of human life. My press secretary has some bits you can work with. Regret the loss of life ... defense of ... something important ... you get the gist."
posted by Jack Reed at 12:35 PM
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