This Week in the News
This week, the Republican candidates for President gathered for a debate in Dearborn, Michigan. While the candidates could not agree on whether the economy is in danger of a recession (Thompson says no, Romney says maybe and Paul says it already is) and The Suit that Would B President, Mitt Romney forget that the line item veto was unconstitutional (oops) all could agree on one thing: their undying love for former president Ronald Reagan. While each of the candidates' peans accurately reflected the gauzy nostalgia with which most Americans view Reagan, Sen. Fred Thompson stunned the crowd with the strength of his ardor: "To say I loved the man is an understatement. Let's just say if I were in National Airport's mens room and Ronald Reagan was in the stall next door, I might take a wide stance. hell I might even signal him with my fat old man fingers."
This week, Sen. John McCain continued his unrequited leg hump of the Christian Right. In an interview with belief.net, McCain stated that he believed the Constitution created a Christian nation and that he could not support a Muslim for President of the United States. McCain's show of religious fervor ( he recently announced he was converting to become a Baptist) seemed to do little to impress the Christian Right as they continued laying plans for a third party candidacy. A spurned McCain was found crying in the bathroom of the Straight Talk Express, " I wore my best suit and everything. I gave myself to them and told them they could do anything - anything -- they wanted and they still rejected me. I feel so dirty. Its because I'm fat isn't it? A fat ugly slut. ... but I could be thin. Would they like me if I am thin? Ask them. And tell them I will never say or do anything to make them angry again."
This week, Sen Carl Levin (D. Mich) introduced a bill that would require the executive branch to obtain a warrant from a Foreign Intelligence court each time it sought to wiretap communications initiated abroad or wiretaps on American citizens. The bill would be a revision to the Protect America Act which expires in February and allows the government wider latitude to wiretap without any court approval. While the United States has always required a court to issue a warrant before private communications are invaded, the bill was attacked by the White House and the GOP as soft on terrorism. As one Senate Republican noted, "Our goal is to preserve America and I do not see why we should let civil liberties, due process or the separation of powers get in the way of that."
This week, the GOP held yet another presidential debate while the Democrats fanned out over Iowa in advance of the Iowa Caucuses. Meanwhile, Michigan announced it was moving its primary to January in an effort to raise the state's profile with candidates. While many voters have either not yet thought about the context or are overwhelmed by the choices, TWN says don't worry. You see, the Great American Candidate Mediocrizer, a product of the Federal Election Commission will be at work. The Mediocrizer has two chambers that produce two grade A final candidates from a few pounds of raw ambition. The first chambers uses early primaries and a media focus on fund-raising to chop and dice any candidate that cannot raise millions of dollars in a short time. This eliminates any candidate who cannot woo major corporate donors or the handful of super fundraisers in each party. The second chamber slathers the candidates with media analysis about their "presidential qualities." This chamber weeds out any candidate who strays too far from the conventional wisdom, or is too ethnic, short, female, or who has a funny haircut. It then slathers the rest in a buttery sauce of mainstream respectability. The result, two luscious candidates, barely distinguishable from each other. One in a medium pro corporate sauce and the other in a spicy hot pro corporate sauce (ole!). Guaranteed not to offend the palate of any guest.
This week, Sen. John McCain continued his unrequited leg hump of the Christian Right. In an interview with belief.net, McCain stated that he believed the Constitution created a Christian nation and that he could not support a Muslim for President of the United States. McCain's show of religious fervor ( he recently announced he was converting to become a Baptist) seemed to do little to impress the Christian Right as they continued laying plans for a third party candidacy. A spurned McCain was found crying in the bathroom of the Straight Talk Express, " I wore my best suit and everything. I gave myself to them and told them they could do anything - anything -- they wanted and they still rejected me. I feel so dirty. Its because I'm fat isn't it? A fat ugly slut. ... but I could be thin. Would they like me if I am thin? Ask them. And tell them I will never say or do anything to make them angry again."
This week, Sen Carl Levin (D. Mich) introduced a bill that would require the executive branch to obtain a warrant from a Foreign Intelligence court each time it sought to wiretap communications initiated abroad or wiretaps on American citizens. The bill would be a revision to the Protect America Act which expires in February and allows the government wider latitude to wiretap without any court approval. While the United States has always required a court to issue a warrant before private communications are invaded, the bill was attacked by the White House and the GOP as soft on terrorism. As one Senate Republican noted, "Our goal is to preserve America and I do not see why we should let civil liberties, due process or the separation of powers get in the way of that."
This week, the GOP held yet another presidential debate while the Democrats fanned out over Iowa in advance of the Iowa Caucuses. Meanwhile, Michigan announced it was moving its primary to January in an effort to raise the state's profile with candidates. While many voters have either not yet thought about the context or are overwhelmed by the choices, TWN says don't worry. You see, the Great American Candidate Mediocrizer, a product of the Federal Election Commission will be at work. The Mediocrizer has two chambers that produce two grade A final candidates from a few pounds of raw ambition. The first chambers uses early primaries and a media focus on fund-raising to chop and dice any candidate that cannot raise millions of dollars in a short time. This eliminates any candidate who cannot woo major corporate donors or the handful of super fundraisers in each party. The second chamber slathers the candidates with media analysis about their "presidential qualities." This chamber weeds out any candidate who strays too far from the conventional wisdom, or is too ethnic, short, female, or who has a funny haircut. It then slathers the rest in a buttery sauce of mainstream respectability. The result, two luscious candidates, barely distinguishable from each other. One in a medium pro corporate sauce and the other in a spicy hot pro corporate sauce (ole!). Guaranteed not to offend the palate of any guest.
posted by Jack Reed at 3:28 PM
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