Our Humble Contribution
The Republicans have a debate this week in Iowa and the Democrats have another coming up. With every conceivable soft ball question having already been asked by our sycophantic press corp, TWN proposes the following questions to the candidates:
Rudy Giuliani: You have been campaigning as America's Mayor based on your actions in NYC on 9/11. Can you identify one thing you did that any other mayor of a major city would not have done when confronted with such a crisis? Follow up: Is there a campaign memo called "Pimping 9/11" or is that just the short hand your people use?
Hillary Clinton: Is there any possible question that I can ask which would elicit an answer from you that may alienate our upset some voting demographic?
Fred Thompson: Aren't you just a little embarrassed about the absolute non factor your candidacy has become?
Dennis Kucinich: How did you meet your wife? Does she have any sisters?
Mitt Romney: Do you find your changing positions on major ethical and moral issues to be just a little source of embarrassment? Is it hard to run as a "values" candidate when you so obviously substituted ambition for integrity?
Joe Biden: You have been a major player in Democratic politics and the Senate for a long time. You are pretty smart and a good communicator. You have bona fides on a number of bipartisan issues. Why does your candidacy lack legs?
Chris Dodd: Did you declare your candidacy because you lost a bet or are you actaully going to say something that may convince someone to vote for you?
Ron Paul: You are a man with a consistent and principled world view. While many (such as me) disagree with you, you get kudos for being thoughtful and honest. What type of masochistic impulse has led you to put yourself in front of an electorate that twice elected George W. Bush?
Mike Huckabee: Given that we have now suffered through six years of the goddiest President ever, can you explain why we should not disdain any candidate who harps on his Christianity?
Barack Obama: Does it ever occur to you that both you and your wife spend a lot of time talking about yourselves? Follow up: Do you ever want to compare Hillary Clinton to that annoying girl who always ran for Student Council?
John McCain: In 2004 you almost beat George W. Bush in the Republican primaries with a grass roots insurgency that captured people's imaginations. Since than you have been playing public kissy face with the Christian Right, whom you used to denounce. Your candidacy is in the toilet because many of your former supporters think you have sold out. Your home state voters are mad at you because you are not sufficiently bigoted against Mexican immigrants. You will likely be beaten by someone who is half the man and half the intellect you are. Will you be committing suicide with your service pistol or is there some more exotic method you prefer?
Bill Richardson: You are a smart guy, with a little charisma and a good track record. Non the less, your candidacy is stalled because you are viewed as a bit of a bumbler with a little stoner/slacker attitude thrown in. Do you think this perception is the result racial bias, or are you, in fact a fellow who likes to chill with your peeps and a fatty while the suits get all anxious? Keep in mind that if the latter is true, its all good.
Rudy Giuliani: You have been campaigning as America's Mayor based on your actions in NYC on 9/11. Can you identify one thing you did that any other mayor of a major city would not have done when confronted with such a crisis? Follow up: Is there a campaign memo called "Pimping 9/11" or is that just the short hand your people use?
Hillary Clinton: Is there any possible question that I can ask which would elicit an answer from you that may alienate our upset some voting demographic?
Fred Thompson: Aren't you just a little embarrassed about the absolute non factor your candidacy has become?
Dennis Kucinich: How did you meet your wife? Does she have any sisters?
Mitt Romney: Do you find your changing positions on major ethical and moral issues to be just a little source of embarrassment? Is it hard to run as a "values" candidate when you so obviously substituted ambition for integrity?
Joe Biden: You have been a major player in Democratic politics and the Senate for a long time. You are pretty smart and a good communicator. You have bona fides on a number of bipartisan issues. Why does your candidacy lack legs?
Chris Dodd: Did you declare your candidacy because you lost a bet or are you actaully going to say something that may convince someone to vote for you?
Ron Paul: You are a man with a consistent and principled world view. While many (such as me) disagree with you, you get kudos for being thoughtful and honest. What type of masochistic impulse has led you to put yourself in front of an electorate that twice elected George W. Bush?
Mike Huckabee: Given that we have now suffered through six years of the goddiest President ever, can you explain why we should not disdain any candidate who harps on his Christianity?
Barack Obama: Does it ever occur to you that both you and your wife spend a lot of time talking about yourselves? Follow up: Do you ever want to compare Hillary Clinton to that annoying girl who always ran for Student Council?
John McCain: In 2004 you almost beat George W. Bush in the Republican primaries with a grass roots insurgency that captured people's imaginations. Since than you have been playing public kissy face with the Christian Right, whom you used to denounce. Your candidacy is in the toilet because many of your former supporters think you have sold out. Your home state voters are mad at you because you are not sufficiently bigoted against Mexican immigrants. You will likely be beaten by someone who is half the man and half the intellect you are. Will you be committing suicide with your service pistol or is there some more exotic method you prefer?
Bill Richardson: You are a smart guy, with a little charisma and a good track record. Non the less, your candidacy is stalled because you are viewed as a bit of a bumbler with a little stoner/slacker attitude thrown in. Do you think this perception is the result racial bias, or are you, in fact a fellow who likes to chill with your peeps and a fatty while the suits get all anxious? Keep in mind that if the latter is true, its all good.
posted by Jack Reed at 11:17 AM
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