Day Late ...

According to the NYT, Sen John Kerry and his staff have put together a booklet of official papers and photographs that conclusively disprove the allegations made by the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth. I can understand why Kerry wants the world to know that his career in the service was as he said it was. What I can't understand is why did he wait? Why wasn't this booklet sent to every major media outlet within weeks of the Swifties allegations? Does Kerry assume that others view such allegations as bizarre because he does? Did he think that answering would only dignify the process? Don't kid yourself Senator, you were running against a man who avoided service in Vietnam. No way your service record can stand.

One Year is Blood Isn't It?

It has been one year since VP Cheney made the following statement. Happy Anniversary.

"I think they're in the last throes, if you will, of the insurgency."

Line Up the Privates....

This week, US officials are concluding their investigation into whether US Marines murdered twenty four Iraqi civilians in Haditha last November and then filed false reports to cover up the massacre. Many media outlets are speculating that this scandal may harm the US military more than revelations regarding prisoner abuse at Abu Ghraib prison. While the White House would not publicly address its plan to deal with the incident, a secret Oval Office memo leaked to TWN reveals the White House's strategy. The handwritten memo's salient points are reprinted below:

• Press Conference -- bad apples, rotten tomatoes, not the America we know yada yada
  
• Cheney -- Swift Boat Murtha. Not a patriot? "Some people think Marines should not defend themselves...?"
  
• Subliminal --- Iraqi's are far away and very different. probably not nice people. liberal media picks on us
  
• not accountable for what military does (talk to Rummy on this) check Abu Ghraib script.
  
• Joint Chiefs -- remind them that media will jump on us when children are killed. Find privates to court martial.
  
• Blair -- chill out cockney boy. stuff happens. eggs omlettes etc.... call Condi. Tell her to untwist Brit knickers.
  
• UN -- Marys too concerned with people other than us.... Call Bolten. Threaten to hold up more dues.
  
• Snow -- colon cancer a lot like family being shot up in front of you ... waterworks?!
  
• Laura -- Matronly and genial. But killer herself. blowback possible. keep her out of loop.

My Memorial Day Post

So I sat down to write my Memorial Day Post. There is no shortage of inspiration out there. Every columnist and every journalist has made their stab at honoring our war dead. Some have simply listed those who have lost their lives in Iraq. Some have offered more probing commentary.

I, of course, was going to offer my usual blend of snide witticism and damning facts. A little humour, mixed with a little bile.

But that is getting very hard to do. Particularly now, with over 2000 soldiers dead and a civilian bodycount we like to ignore, and as we learn that US Marines may have been involved in a civilian massacre in Haditha, it becomes very difficult even to raise the flag of gallows humour. We are over three years into a war that has claimed the lives of over two thousand US soldiers, between 30,000 and 100,000 Iraqi civilians (depending upon who does the counting)and countless lives of our allies. There are no weapons of mass destruction. No connection to Al Queda and 9/11. No one greeting us like liberators. Nothing that would justify a bloodletting let alone a bloodletting of this magnitude.

When you take a step back, it is very difficult to find something funny here. But I have to. Because one thing we Americans hate is sincerity of the type that involves actual accountability. We don't like things to be our fault. That notion rubs uncomfortably against our belief about who we are. We are like so many people who deal with moral questions by asking, "That doesn't make me a bad person does it?". We are looking for some easy reassurance: "Despite what your soldiers do with their guns, their bombs, and their dogs. Despite the murderous despots you arm and finance. Despite the lengths you will go to to secure a steady supply of oil. Despite the swelling gap between how you live and how the rest of the world must live. Despite all that you are a good people. You are virtuous, kind and just. So sleep well."

But that of course is just so much BS.

We have taken life with no good reason. We have made a terrible muck of things and all of us, not just our elected leaders, are accountable for it. We turned a blind eye. While glorifying some kind of Christian awakening in our country, we have acted in the most un Christian of ways. We believed what was easy to believe and in doing so neglected our responsibilities as moral beings in a democracy. We let fear, and not a little self righteousness, rule the day.

And yeah, maybe that makes us bad people.

Royal Pity

I am almost starting to feel sorry for the Royals ... then again, maybe not.

And From the My Lai Book of Great Excuses...

This week, the press reports that an all night bombing raid by the USAF in the Kandahar province of Afghanistan killed 60 Taliban fighters and at least 15 -20 civilians. The incident has raised the concern that the civilian death toll will rise as the US slowly switches to a strategy of air strikes in Iraq and Afghanistan. Defending the latest air strike, the President stated that " We really cannot take responsibility if you happened to be feeding your goats in the same barn as someone we thought might be a Taliban fighter. The problem with the Taliban is that many of them are civilians and fit into the civilian population. This problem is made worse because civilians too, often attempt to blend in to the civilian population. We cannot be held accountable for differentiating civilians from civilians particularly when the group we are fighting is made up of cilivians."

God is My Campaign Advisor....

This week, strategists in the Republican Party hit a crossroads. In an open letter to GOP leaders, Dr. James Dobson, Richard Viguerie and other leaders of the Christian Right threatened to stay home on election day unless the Bush Administration takes steps to enact some of their agenda: namely a ban on same sex marriage, a crackdown on television vulgarity and more stringent abortion laws. The leaders urged the Administration not to "take their votes for granted" and suggested that "bad things could happen" if their agenda did not receive attention. (real quotes from the letter and subsequent interview respectively). While Chief Lickspittle Sen. Bill Frist was quick to schedule a vote on a same sex marriage amendment, sources say the White House has been in a bit of a quandary on how to respond. Speaking off the record, an assistant to uber strategist Karl Rove noted, " It gets touchy, because right now the business wing of our party is saying that the these guys [the Christian Right] are a little too nutty. However, if we lose the Christian Right we lose valuable dollars, foot soldiers and apparently the blessings of the Almighty himself. So I mean, do you really want god sitting out the mid term elections? If nothing else he does bring the threat of apocalypse. "

"Eeeengler ...You Got [The State} on [Its'] Knees..."

This week, Republican candidate for Dick Devos, (heir to an Amway fortune and married to the GOP's State Chair), continued his pre-campaign campaign by harping on the elements of his economic plan for Michigan : tax cuts and an end to burdensome regulation. No points here for original thinking. We did this in the Engler years and were left with a massive deficit, crumbling infrastructure and a host of educational shortfalls. I am wondering if even some party loyalists are starting to feel the same way about supply side bromides as the Baby Boomers feel about "Layla." When they hear it, the song delivers a nice warm feeling for a while but then they think the damn thing is just overplayed.

The Big Red Machine Throws a Gear

The meatball to Griffey on Saturday night was the only low point in this series. Roll on....

Oh Give It A Break...

This weekend, Sen. John McCain was booed and publicly criticized during his commencement address at the New School in NYC. Graduating seniors lambasted McCain for his support of pre-emptive war, his anti-choice stands, and his recent alliance with Rev. Jerry Falwell. In response, McCain tried to play the "older and wiser" trump card, with a self effacing twist. He told the crowd that as a young man, he too was "quite infatuated with self-expression." What a load. You call a decade in the Senate and two presidential runs a life of quiet contemplation? Now you are a wizened elder statesman who only speaks the truth? Give it a break. Check the rolls of any Sunday morning talk show and it is clear that the Senator is as enamored with self expression as ever. Sen. McCain, if you can answer your critics, you should do so. If you cannot, then please do not fill in the blanks with such a shopworn canard.

Her words cut like bullets.....

This week, the NCIS continues its investigation into the killing of 15 women and children in the Iraqi town of Haditha, allegedly at the hands of US Marines in retaliation for the death of one of their fellow soldiers. The investigation comes at the same time that Karen Hughes, the Undersecretary of Public Diplomacy (and former Bush aide) continues her "listening tour" of the Middle East where she targets women and children in an attempt to soften the image of the US. Asked if the apparent difference in the message sent between a civilian massacre and a vaseline lensed p.r. tour would further undermine the image of the US in the Mideast, an ananoymous State Department official mused, "At first I thought so. I mean, it does not look good to be embracing children and motherhood on one hand, and shooting children and mothers on the other. Then I got some feedback on Hughes' speeches. Many middle easterners said they would rather be shot than forced to listen to Hughes. So we are really on the same page with this....."

Big Telco's Ad Blitz

This week, we take a look at advertising, specifically two ads placed in the Washington Post, on the same day by a large telecommunications company. One ad deals with the issue of Internet Neutrality (see TWN a few weeks ago). The ad slams dot com companies for seeking some sort of unfair trade advantage through federal regulation. Pages later we see another ad, by the same company, this one urging readers to contact Congress and ask them to allow the same telecomm to enter the cable market without having to apply through the normal franchising process that other cable companies have had to use. So on one hand, dot coms are vilified for asking Congress for special treatment. On the other hand, unnamed telco urges us to ask Congress for special treatment. Asked about this discord, a spokesman for the company stated, "You have to understand the lingo here. "Special treatment" is when other people ask for an exemption, tax break, or handout. When we ask for an exemption, tax break, or handout we only want to 'level the playing field."

Better Living Through Science ...

This week, feminist groups issued a broadside against pharmaceutical companies for "medicalizing" the normal process of menopause. According to some women pundits, big pharma has turned the change of life into a disease just so they can market drugs to fight it. Underlying the activist's claim was a confidential memo identifying other "maladies" the pharmaceutical industry hoped to combat:

• greendayia (sullenness in adolescent boys);
• dramaqueenisis (causes overly strong emotional responses in adolescent girls);
• buthethinksimprettynosis (an affliction causing pregnancy in adolescent females);
• sportcsaraphobia (declining testerone in middle aged men);
• Crateandbarreluenza (an affliction of the suburban upper middle class);
• navelgazeus (an affliction of the overeducated professional class)
• igottagetmarriedandpregnantnow syndrome (afflicting mostly middle class white women in their 30s);
• prepatoryschoolotosis (a highly contagious affliction of the upper East Side in NY);
• hillaritis (an affliction causing nonsensical blather in white men over 45);
  republicantardation (progressive loss of brain cells triggered by successive drops in the marginal tax rate);
• and its related affliction, itsallaboutusomia (a current epidemic in the US leading to the loss of ability to morally reason).

You Win More Friends with Botox and a Sensible Pant Suit...

This week, Laura Bush hit the Sunday morning circuit in an obvious attempt to shore up her husband's free falling poll numbers. Laura got the kid glove treatment from George "the Eunuch" Stephanopolous on the "The Week, " where she talked about her desire to rebuild Gulf Coast schools ravaged by Hurricane Katrina. The First Lady's appearance combined with Tony Snow's tearful account of his struggle with cancer during a White House briefing seem to be part of a combined strategy to soften the image of a White House that has embraced torture, discretionary war, nuclear proliferation and tax cuts for the wealthy. This suspicion was confirmed by the latest West Wing schedule which contains briefings on Dick Cheney's Hummel collection, Donald Rumsfeld's heroic battle with erectile dysfunction ("the missile is stuck in the silo"), Condi' Rice's love of all things Faberge and Tower Snow's recent composting successes. According to an aide to Karl Rove, the White House is trying to "navigate that difficult ground between The Reich and The View."

Don't Ask Them About Crazy Eights ...

This week, the President made a prime time speech on immigration reform. Showing his roots as a Texan well aware of the political minefield that is immigration, Bush proposed a policy that enraged both the "Deport 'em" crowd and the "Amnesty" crowd. Asked to explain how the President finally seemed to come up with a policy that, although flawed, can at least be termed moderate without gagging, White House spokesman Tony Snow mused, "We call the the policy Texas Hold 'Em. See, NAFTA created a bunch of rootless campesinos in Mexico who were left destitute after they were forced to compete against American agribusiness. NAFTA also created a bunch of rootless manufacturing workers in the US who were left destitute after they were forced to compete with cheap labor in Mexico. So our policy is you hold yours, we will hold ours." Complimented on the catchy appellation, Snow beamed and said "Thanks. We are all about being folksy. And resolute. We are resolutely folksy. "

Ssshhh....

This week, lawyers for the government filed a secret brief seeking dismissal of a case against AT&T. The suit was brought by the Electronic Frontier Foundation and challenges AT&T's cooperation with the National Security Administration's domestic surveillance program. The brief apparently seeks dismissal of the case because allowing it to go forward would endanger national security. Asked to comment on the government's position, an NSA spokesman responded that "Well, that's a secret. Furthermore, the government wants to keep its tactical advantage. More often than not, we find that our arguments do not fare well when they are made public. When our arguments are kept secret, however, the public seems to find them much more convincing."

The Twinkies

Although my faith in the bullpen has been restored, I wonder how long we can keep hitting like this.

Gutless Wonder

According to various sources, Sen. Nancy Pelosi has told the Democratic Caucus that she has
"no interest" in pursuing the impeachment of President Bush should the Democrats retake Congress. According to Pelosi's spokesperson, this is a canny tactical move designed to blunt any assertion that a Democratic Congress would create a fuss in an already befuddled country. Bullshit. Pelosi's alleged cleverness only reinforces with the public the image of the Democrats as unable or unwilling to do the right thing. The fact that Pelosi, as an elected official, thinks that she can turn away from an Administration whose incompetence and arrogance have cost countless lives, billions of dollars, and untold goodwill reinforces with the public the image of politicians as amoral and craven.

Trainwreck Ann

Vanity Fair has published an interview with conservative trainwreck Ann Coulter. Perhaps in an an attempt at humour, VF repeatedly asks Ann about her intimate life, to which the leggy fascist repeatedly replies, perhaps in an attempt at geeky coyness, that she is exercising her "constitutional right to privacy." Uhh, Ann ... Folks on your side of the aisle don't believe in a constitutional right to privacy. Its a creation of sneaky liberal judges remember?

Pack up The Plantation

Tom Petty will play at DTE on 8/8. No word on ticket sales.

Two Kinds o' Patriotism

The United Autoworkers and others are launching a campaign (complete with website) to encourage consumers to buy cars made in America by American workers. The reaction to the campaign, at least by radio pundits and the like, has been predictable: why should we buy a car that we perceive to be of lesser quality; the consumer is king; its a global economy. It seems kind of strange. When we are asked (or told) to arm our boys to go overseas and engage in some killing, everyone is a Patriot and the "my country right or wrong" crowd gets into high gear. We cannot get to our feet fast enough to defend the motherland. In contrast, when a group of workers asks Americans to make America stronger by buying products that benefit America and its citizens, we sneer like we are swallowing castor oil. I suspect the difference in reaction is explained by the fact that war involves sacrifices of others (our soldiers and their targets), buying American requires some sacrifice of our own. In wartime we are all Americans, and loyal ones at that, in the marketplace we are just sharp consumers.

From Let's Roll to Abu Ghraib

This week, the pundits continue to knash their teeth and rent their garments over whether to see "Flight 193" a movie depicting the hijacking, un-hijacking and crash of United Airlines flight 93 on September 11, 2001. On one side are those who argue that the movie comes "too soon" after such an emotional event. On the other side are those who praise the filmmaker for "getting it right" and recognizing the heroics of those passengers who retook the cabin from Al Queda terrorists. Critics aside, no one can deny the film's commercial success. According to one critic, the filmmakers owe it all to President Bush: " The fight to retake the cockpit was really the first salvo in the war on terrorism. That war has since diminished into the quagmire that is Iraq. The contrast between the simple heroism of the passengers and the arrogant militarism of the Bush administration could not be more complete. In a sense, the latter sells the former because people need to believe there is something ennobling about this conflict."

Who is at 1-800-SEX-KITTY?

This week, the mainstream media finally tapped the story that the National Security Agency is monitoring domestic phone records of Americans as part of its War on Terror. (The story hit the alternative media, like last month.) It seems that with the cooperation of major telecomm companies, the NSA has amassed a massive database of call records which it analyzes for terroristic patterns. According to a remarks given to USA Today, the President has neither admitted nor denied the program and insists that the privacy of all Americans is "fiercely protected." (real quote) Responding to a question by the White House Press Corp's Alan Adams, the President stated: "You see, we are protecting your privacy while we are violating it. So there is no need for concern.... Say Al, how long has your wife called you Jughead? Can I call you Jughead too? How 'bout Jugsy? No? .... Well......glad that bunion thing got taken care of...."

Greed is Good, Darkness is Light...

This week, Congress is set to extend some $70 billion in tax cuts on investment income. According to independent analysis, the tax cuts will save Americans in the middle of the income distribution about $20 a year. Americans in the top 1% of income earners, however, will save about $42,000 a year. In other words, the cuts provide a windfall to a group of people who do not need a windfall all at the expense of the national deficit. Asked about the cuts, Treasury Secretary Tower Snow stated, "Since Ronald Reagan's victory in 1980, it has been a point of orthodoxy that tax cuts for the wealthy spur the economy as a whole. While there is no objective evidence for this idea, we have been successful in convincing most Americans to accept it. Well, you can see the appeal. Its like saying you can be more generous by being more selfish. When you have that kind of win-win folks tend to ignore evidence to the contrary."

So the Dali Lama, the Pope and Oprah Walk Into a Bar

Today USA Today (online) has a headline that reads: Is Oprah a Spiritual Leader for the New Millenium.

I just thought I 'd let that one sit out there.....

All War All the Time

This week, we report on another front on the War on Terror: everywhere. According to the Pentagon's Quadrennial Defense Review, to stave off terrorists, the US must actively "quell disorder before it leads to the collapse of political structures," and must "shape the choices of countries at strategic crossroads." The QDR identifies these nations as just about every one on earth except for Britain and France and justifies intervening in just about every aspect of a country's domestic landscape, be it leftist rebels, narco trafficers, or trade unionists. Asked if the QDR was essentially a blank check to wage an endless premptive war anywhere on the globe, a Pentagon spokesman stated, "Listen, we learned something in Iraq. Unless you lay your groundwork for war early and agressively you end up with a hasty justification. We realize that as long as we can say "terrorism" with a semi-straight face, the American people will roll over for even the most fantastic acts of aggression. But we can't squader this resource. We have to give people something so they don't feel like rank imperialists when we start dropping chemicals out of planes in the Andes, start executing rebels in Latin America, or start preparing a coup in Venezuela."

I Work Therefore I Am

It seems that whenever two or more professionals meet, the conversation inevitably turns to just how darned busy they are. Subtly, and sometimes not so subtly, everyone antes up --perhaps with carefully feigned guilt -- how dedicated they are to their job. Its like a bizarre contest to demonstrate just how much you have perverted your life in service of your employer. "I travel 265 days a year." "Really, I have been divorced thrice." "Seriously, none of my kids speak to me." "I was uhmmm hospitalized last year. They said it was exhaustion."

Get Off your A-- and Cash in Those Options

This week, the President hit the trail hard in preparation for upcoming congressional elections. Among his themes, the strength of the American economy. While this leaves many scratching their head, Bush points to a rising Dow, increased productivity, stable unemployment and rising corporate earnings as evidence that his tax breaks have stimulated the economy. What Bush ignores is that the fruits of economic success are trapped at the top of the income scale. Workers in the middle of the income chart have not recieved a raise in over three years when wages are adjusted for inflation, mortgage foreclosures have risen by 72% since the first quarter of '05, and over 1 million Americans have slipped into poverty. Analyzing the gap between the President's perception and reality, Treasury Secretary Tower Snow reported," There really is no gap between perception and reality. The President sees a strong economy and for his supporters, donors, advisors and patrons, the economy is very strong indeed. I mean, the President cannot be held accountable is someone has failed to invest heavily in securities, failed to become a corporate officer and failed to attach themselves to an industry that cannot be outsourced. It is all about personal accountability people...."

Message in a (Diplomatic) Bottle

This week, Iran's President announced that he has sent a letter to President Bush, via the Swiss Embassy, proposing "new solutions" to the problems between the US and Iran. As of last week, Iran threatened to pull out of the Nuclear Non Proliferation Treaty if it was sanctioned by the United Nations. Reached for comment, White House Press Secretary Tony Snow, noted, "Obviously we take the letter quite seriously. The US values the Nuclear Non Proliferation Treaty except when we are violating it by selling enriched uranium to India. The President will give the contents of the letter serious consideration when Vice President Cheney reads it to him."